Are you wondering how to keep the spark alive in your marriage? It is something many, many couples struggle with and I have personally been there myself countless times. Marriage is hard work and keeping a strong connection takes effort.
WHAT IS A “SPARK”?
Not everyone has heard the term “spark” as it relates to relationships. If you are wondering what a “spark” even is…no worries!
A spark is basically that feeling you have when you are excited to spend time with a person. Knowing you can't wait to see the person. Wanting to share thoughts and feelings with that person. Missing that person when you are apart.
A spark can look different for each couple, but most relationships have a big spark in the beginning. That is the feeling you want to keep throughout the relationship.
WHY DOES THE SPARK DIM IN MARRIAGE?
That deeply in love feeling you have when you are dating someone and it has gotten serious is amazing. All you want to do is spend time with this person you have fallen for….everything they do is cute and adorable. You almost feel a sizzle when they walk into the room.
Then you get married…and LIFE happens. Work….kids….finances…health issues…the list can go on and on. There are SO many stressors in our lives that will naturally affect our marriages and relationships.
One day you may look at your spouse and realize the spark has faded or is even gone. You don't feel giddy when they kiss you. Maybe you don't miss them at all when they are gone.
The process can happen slowly over time or much quicker. It all depends on the extenuating circumstances going on in your home and in your life.
Typically neither spouse wants to lose the spark in their marriage. But it is common when you get too busy to put in the extra effort to keep the spark alive.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE SPARK DIES IN A MARRIAGE?
Everyone knows the statistics on marriage in the US. A LOT of marriages end in divorce. There are many reasons couples divorce.
I would say the spark had died in most of these failed marriages.
When the spark dies it can lead to frustration, anger, intimacy issues, and even infidelity.
HOW TO KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE IN MARRIAGE
There are a lot of things couples can do to keep the spark alive in their marriages. One of the most important things you need to do is ask the basic question…how to keep the spark alive?? When you acknowledge the situation you can start taking action to reignite that passion, love, and spark!
Please know that I am not a marriage expert. My marriage is far from perfect. I am just someone who values marriage and has worked on her marriage for 24 years and counting!
Here are some ACTIONS you can take right away.
LEARN YOUR SPOUSES LOVE LANGUAGE
Love languages are a real thing. Every person has a love language. Knowing your own love language and your spouse's love language can make a MASSIVE difference.
A love language is how a person feels love. We are each different and we feel love differently. Being able to say and do things that make your spouse feel loved is crucial to a deeper connection.
This may be the simplest but most powerful action you can take to keep the spark alive in your marriage…for your entire marriage!
It is also very EASY. I would recommend reading the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. You can also go to the website and take the quiz to learn your love languages. By the way…this is also great for parent/child relationships!
REMEMBER YOUR SPOUSE IS HUMAN (JUST LIKE YOU!)
We don't always go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. I know in the early years of my marriage I had expectations for my husband that were very unrealistic.
I forgot that he was just a flawed human being like I was…I wasn't showing him the grace that I wanted him to show me.
Forgiveness is necessary and affords us freedom. Remembering that we all make mistakes was a big mindset change for me. It made a difference in my marriage when I accepted my husband as he was and loved him despite his shortcomings.
I knew that I wanted his acceptance and love despite my shortcomings!
COMMUNICATE
Everyone mentions communication when they are talking about marriage and relationships. It really is key to a good relationship. If you want to know how to keep the spark alive in your marriage…you need to be communicating with your spouse!
Communication is easier said than done. It has always been a struggle in my marriage because my husband and I communicate very differently.
Over the last 24 years, we have finally learned a few things about each other, LOL. He has learned that sometimes he says things and my interpretation of what he says is completely different from what he meant or intended. These kinds of misunderstandings have caused us a lot of grief over the years.
We continue to strive for better communication. If communication is a big struggle for you, I would highly suggest that you try couples counseling. We went to counseling years ago and it truly saved our marriage!
SPEND TIME TOGETHER
I think we can all agree that a relationship cannot grow and improve if the people involved never spend any time together.
Family life can be hectic. It can be CRAZY. I know that some couples are like ships passing in the night. Spending time together is hard when life is busy.
The bottom line is that a solid marriage takes work and takes time. Sit down and look at your calendar and see where you can carve out some time on a regular basis.
Find things you can do together to strengthen your relationship. It may be trial and error for a while, but at least you are working on it together!
BE INTENTIONAL
When we are intentional about anything we will find more success. The same is true in marriage. Be intentional about keeping the spark alive in your marriage.
Brainstorm activities you can do together. Make a list of ideas to keep the spark alive.
Then be intentional about implementing these ideas. It doesn't have to be all at once…do one thing a month or one a week. Small improvements will make a big difference.
Remember there will be no improvements if you don't try!
CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE
Our attitude can affect everything in our lives, even our health. If you have a negative attitude about the state of your marriage…it will only negatively affect your relationship.
Try to focus on the POSITIVE things in your marriage and the positive things about your spouse. Sit down and write out things you do love and appreciate about your spouse.
Make a concerted effort each morning and throughout the day to focus on the good. You can make a conscious choice every day to love your spouse.
HOW DO YOU KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE?
What are your ideas for keeping the spark alive in a marriage? Comment and let readers know what has worked for your relationship.
Here are some other good resources while you are here:
- Daytime Date Ideas for Couples
- Easy Ways to Reconnect with Your Spouse
- 5 Reasons Exchanging Gifts with Your Spouse is Important
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