One relationship that is unique in the sense that it separates all others is marriage. After all, there is no other relationship in which it is said that the two shall become one. This happens only due to intimacy, which is connection and closeness with one’s partner. Unfortunately, there are barriers to intimacy that could damage your marriage if you aren't aware of what to watch out for.
WHAT IS INTIMACY
The interesting thing about intimacy is that it is not a one-dimensional feeling. In other words, it is not always purely physical but also intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. Achieving a fulfilling married life is challenging if any of these areas are lacking.
One area where a culmination of these problems shows up is sexual intimacy. The Knot shares that a healthy sex life cannot be measured in terms of frequency. The key is always contentment with the intimacy couples share.
Specific barriers to married intimacy are widespread and have damaged numerous marriages. In this article, we will discuss them so you can identify similar issues in your marriage. Fret not; we will also discuss ways to prevent these barriers from keeping you from the marital intimacy you deserve.
Health Considerations
One of the most significant roadblocks to healthy marital intimacy is declining or poor physical health. In general, health conditions like diabetes can make intimacy painful and unpleasant. However, others directly impact one’s body image and reproductive function.
URINARY ISSUES
One example of this would be stress urinary incontinence or an overactive bladder. This condition usually occurs due to weakened pelvic floor muscles. It’s possible to experience urine leakage during intimacy, which may lead to feelings of embarrassment and withdrawal.
The condition is most common among older women, particularly those in their 50s or above. However, it may affect women of all age groups. Even if it is a health condition acting as a barrier to intimacy, you must communicate openly with your partner.
It will be uncomfortable, even overwhelming to do so. However, the alternative is a dead bedroom that gradually turns spouses into roommates. Keep in mind that a permanent cure may not always be possible. For instance, one effective treatment used for stress urinary incontinence is a vaginal mesh inserted within the pelvic area.
Unfortunately, this medical device has received backlash due to severe complications. According to TorHoerman Law, these include extreme pain, infections, bleeding, and organ perforation. Some women have even experienced their urinary problems getting worse.
Such injuries called for a vaginal mesh lawsuit since the corrective treatments are also expensive. 95% of this litigation has been resolved, but lawyers are still accepting case filings. The same mesh was used to treat pelvic organ prolapse (POP) but the FDA proposed a ban. Even though it is used for stress incontinence still, the risks are too high.
Women with this condition can choose safer alternatives like lifestyle changes, bladder training, or pelvic floor exercises. However, the condition is chronic and must be managed over a long period.
Can you sacrifice intimacy for that long, especially when it is uncertain if the situation will get better? No, and this is why you need to figure out solutions together with your partner.
It all starts with overcoming fears you keep suppressed inside. Understand that your physical health does not define your attractiveness to your spouse. Follow these tips to restore intimacy –
- Let your spouse know your concerns and fears.
- Explore possible safe treatment options.
- Make healthy lifestyle changes like reducing caffeine, quitting tobacco or alcohol consumption, etc.
- Adopt ways to minimize bladder pressure, including urinating before the act and avoiding heavy lifting.
Lack of Communication
Do you know that one thing in common among most struggling romantic relationships? Yes, it's communication issues, as CNBC shared. When you and your spouse tied the knot, both pledged to open up and be honest with each other.
Since the two become one in marriage, the relationship won't work without 100% transparency. By communication, we refer to verbal and non-verbal cues that foster understanding and connection.
Why is communication so important? Here are a few compelling reasons –
- It can help resolve conflicts and address issues before they escalate.
- The shared thoughts and feelings can enhance the emotional connection between the partners.
- Open and honest communication builds a sense of security and trust.
- Communication also promotes a feeling of being heard and understood, encouraging both parties to become more vulnerable.
Physical and emotional intimacy suffers when there is a lack of healthy communication between couples. This issue may even be an extension of the one above, wherein one partner is unable to open up about their health struggles.
Suppressing the urge to share one’s fears and concerns can create misunderstandings. On the other hand, the one with the health issue may wallow in low self-esteem, which will only aggravate the disconnect. Don't let a lack of communication drive a rift between you and your significant other.
Address any issues as soon as possible. Some ways to encourage healthy communication include –
- Discussing each other’s needs and concerns regularly, no matter how uncomfortable. Let authenticity be your priority.
- Actively listening to each other and making efforts to understand the other’s perspective
- Picking up on non-verbal cues too, including facial expressions and body language
- Avoiding the trap of blame game but using first-person statements to express feelings
- Seeking professional help if communication issues persist
Stresses of Daily Life
Whether a marriage is still in its nascent stages or it has matured over decades of ups and downs, life stresses threaten to damage the bond. Modern lifestyles cause stress levels to rise by the year.
In a recent study, 43% of the surveyed admitted feeling more anxious in 2024 than they did a year prior. All stress triggers a ‘fight or flight’ response in the body. When this response is triggered, the mind goes into survival mode.
As a result, the person cannot value connection as they should. This is why it is common for those who are chronically stressed to withdraw themselves emotionally and physically. The focus has now shifted from closeness to self-preservation.
Although isolation seems like a practical response, it is not. In truth, various physiological changes are contributing to it, including –
- Fear of vulnerability
- Hormonal changes that suppress one’s libido
- Muscle tension that triggers emotional withdrawal as a coping mechanism
- Heightened feelings of irritability and anger
- Digestive issues
Since one’s physical and mental state is such that they do not desire closeness, it's natural to show less affection. You need to prevent stress from becoming chronic and spilling over into your relational intimacy. Listed below are a few ways to make it happen –
- Always keep the door of communication open.
- Make time for positive moments to buffer against negative emotions.
- Support each other in getting good sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising.
- Find calming activities that you can do together. It can be something as simple as a session of mindfulness.
- Reappraise stress as a challenge to overcome together rather than a threat to your marriage.
SIGNS OF MARITAL PROBLEMS
Is your marriage currently going through a rough patch? Some common signs of marital problems include a lack of physical contact, low self-esteem, difficulty expressing needs, trust issues, and resentment. None of these happen overnight but occur through a slow brewing process.
The best time to deal with them is when the first signs appear. Even if you feel the problem has escalated, there’s nothing that two willing parties cannot work out. Consider going for couples therapy if needed, but keep two things off the table – mentioning divorce and giving up on your intimacy.
Be sure to check out these other valuable articles while you are here:
- How to Keep the Spark Alive in Marriage
- Daytime Date Ideas for Couples
- Easy Ways to Reconnect With Your Spouse
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